Aug 5, 2024

Guide to Living in Japan: Japanese Manners

Japan is renowned for its well-organized society, characterized by polite, respectful, and well-mannered people, making it one of the safest countries in the world. This perception holds true, largely due to its homogenous population, which adheres strictly to unwritten social guidelines. While foreigners may occasionally act outside these norms, Japanese people understand and do not expect outsiders to be fully aware of all their social rules. Taking a crash course in Japanese manners can help you feel more comfortable and provide insight into the unique cultural and societal nuances of Japan.

Japanese Manners

Punctuality

In Japan, punctuality is highly valued and reflects one’s motivation and consideration for others. The level of strictness varies by context:

1

Meeting with a 3rd-party company or business associate: Most strict, as business perceptions are crucial.
2

Arrival at work and internal business activities: Expected to arrive a few minutes early to show responsibility.
3

Arrival at gatherings with friends or meeting a group of friends: Less strict but still important.
4

Meeting a single friend: Least strict, but still considerate to inform if running late.

In all cases, advance notice and apologies for lateness are expected.

Self-management & Deportment

Japan is renowned for its cleanliness and high level of consideration for others. As such, managing and keeping your belongings neat, especially in public places, is expected. This consideration extends to handling other people’s belongings or gifts, including business cards, with care and respect. Maintaining good personal hygiene is also important as it reflects your respect for others in public, at work, and with friends. Japanese people pay particular attention to the TPO (time, place, occasion) of meetings, dressing appropriately to show respect for the relationship or company.

Bowing

Bowing is the common form of greeting in Japan, with handshakes being rare and usually reserved for Westerners. The depth and duration of the bow convey the level of respect and formality:

Slight tilt of the head: Used when saying goodbye to friends.
Light bow to the base of the neck: Used by someone older or in a higher position.
Common bow to the middle of the back: Used in customer service or to show respect from a lower position to the other, or among equals.
Low standing bow to the bottom of the back: Used in formal circumstances such as high-end customer service, official proceedings, or to show deep respect, regret, or sincere apology.
Sitting formal bow with hands braced on the floor: Very traditional, used in formal customer service settings like a ryokan.

Politeness

Japan is known for its exceptional politeness. Whether in customer-staff interactions or meeting someone for the first time, you are often greeted with a warm smile and acknowledgment. The three key points of Japanese customer service illustrate their standards of politeness:

Acknowledgement – eye contact, smile, and often verbal greetings),
Accuracy – listening; providing the best answer for the question asked; taking orders; giving change; ensuring the customer’s understanding through the process.
Appreciation – thanking every customer for their time, inquiry, and purchase.

Fostering good impressions and relationships is highly valued in Japan, extending beyond business interactions. To build good relationships with Japanese people, it’s important to be attentive to how they treat you and reciprocate accordingly.

Humility

Japanese people are known for their humility. They rarely accept compliments casually and often express their ideas or opinions with a degree of doubt or softness. They use phrases like “tabun” (maybe), “chotto” or “sukoshi” (a little), “to omoimasu” (I think), “kamo shirenai” (I guess but I can’t know for sure), and “kana” (perhaps) to make their statements less assertive. This humility is not only a way to show consideration for others but also a form of maturity and insight, reflecting an awareness of one’s limitations and capabilities.

Apologizing

In Japan, an apology goes beyond politeness, deeply influencing the way people think, see the world, and communicate. There are various ways to say sorry, depending on the situation and desired nuance:

Sumimasen – Excuse me, sorry about that.
Gomen nasai – I’m (so) sorry.
Moushiwake gozaimasen – I’m sorry about any inconvenience or trouble (More literally: “There are no words to express”
Shitsurei shimashita – That was rude of me.
Shitsurei shimasu – Excuse me, sorry. Literally: “I’m going to do something rude.”

Among these, “gomennasai” is often used for expressing regret for something you did, like being late or forgetting an appointment. “Sumimasen” is used to say excuse me or to express regret for minor inconveniences. Apologizing is more frequent in Japan than in the West and occurs in situations that may seem counter-intuitive to Westerners. Here are some examples:

1

A friend notices you need a hand and offers to hold your bag. You say “sumimasen” to acknowledge causing them concern and potential inconvenience, even though they offered
2

A customer asks a server for an extra plate at a restaurant. You say “sumimasen” because you are requesting something extra based on your needs.
3

You ask the staff at a department store where the toilets are. You might say “arigatou gozaimasu” (thank you) followed by “sumimasen”. The staff may also say “sumimasen”. You apologize for needing help, while the staff apologizes for any inconvenience caused.
4

A staff member asks you to fill out or sign a form. They may say “sumimasen” because they are asking you to do something unexpected that might inconvenience you.

In many of these situations, a Western person might say “thank you” instead of “sorry”. This highlights a significant difference in how Japanese people perceive and handle human interactions.

Group over Individual

Compared to Western individualism, Japan embraces a collectivist mindset where the needs of the group often supersede those of the individual. Personal identity is closely tied to group memberships, which influences various aspects of daily life:

Rush hour crowded trains where everyone is squeezing together to fit as many people on as possible.
Souvenir culture where people buy gifts (and are often expected to do so) for their friends, loved ones, family, and even company.
Companies organizing events to go out together for drinks for certain occasions, like to welcome a new member of the team, to send off a current member leaving the company or being transferred, to see the Cherry Blossoms together, etc.
Being on time.
Taking careful consideration of dress & deportment, hygiene, manners, and etiquette.
Not eating while walking, not talking on the phone while on the train, not showing public displays of affection, obeying traffic signals, and not littering.

These practices reflect a broader societal goal of ensuring everyone’s comfort and smooth functioning. The motivation to maintain harmony and comfort for all permeates every aspect of Japanese life.

Honne & Tatemae

In Japan, honne (本音) refers to true feelings or opinions, while tatemae (建前) is the facade or socially acceptable front. This cultural dynamic emphasizes harmony and avoids confrontation by masking true intentions. Expressing emotions or opinions openly can be seen as immature, as good manners involve controlling self-expression from a young age. Understanding these concepts is crucial for navigating Japanese social norms effectively

Awareness of others

In Japan, a default mindset is to consider oneself as part of a system that accommodates and adjusts for others while integrating into it. Motivated by avoiding disruption or inconvenience to others, Japanese people typically:

try to minimize causing loud noises or creating strong smells, for example by eating food in confined spaces.
manage their belongings so as to not interfere or get in the way of others
obey and respect the rules strictly, especially when written, posted, or official, but also unspoken cultural or societal ones.

In social relationships, individuals prioritize group harmony, often seeking others’ opinions before stating their own and communicating indirectly to understand others’ thoughts and feelings. While Japanese etiquette values indirectness and harmony, there are moments where individuals express direct opinions or desires, which can be seen as endearing expressions of closeness and honesty (honne).

Although navigating these norms can be challenging, Japanese people are generally understanding towards foreigners navigating their culture and appreciate sincere efforts. Understanding when to express oneself directly requires sensitivity to social cues, yet such moments can foster deeper connections.

-Luke